4H Royalty is Zach Boddicker, Andrew Porter & Davy Schutz. It’s post-western rock & roll.

Our first quarterly “Write the 4H Royalty Bio” contest is underway. Here are a few of the front-runners:

“Born of a pickled egg from Tooties Good Time Foot Massage Parlor and a magical Wal Mart gift card in the cultural a**s of Laporte, (with an e to sound fancy) Colorado. 4H Royalty is a velvety sounding mixture of Porter Wagoner’s “givin it to the big ladies” days and the toothless growl of Lawrence Welk’s meth and Vaseline chompin’ daughter Blanche (with an e to sound fancy). Headed by the often-confused and rather bronze Zach Boddicker, of the often-confused band Drag the River. Zach’s influences include: BoBo the Magnificent Signing Howler Monkey, Petey the one-eyed lobster boy, and Blanche of the Welk family."

- Anonymous – sound engineer and mastering guru